5 November 2016

javaink: (i need to do something with my hands)
you know, i said tomorrow, but here i am, five days later.
and i don't think i can do it. the feeling isn't gone, but i'm not going back. does anyone do that? try to regurgitate old feelings just for the sake of exploring them?
what did i just ask?
that's all writing is, isn't it? exploring.
well, sometimes i just can't deal, so i won't.
so no real PINS pt. ii? maybe some other day.
but i won't hold my breath.

- - -
on a separate note, i have to read Tolstoy's "Kholstomer" for Russian Culture, and then i need to go through some of the books i checked out from the library for my research paper. i'm shakey on my topic, and hopefully i found good books. i'm hoping to compare Pushkin's poetry to Baratynsky's poetry and MAYBE how they influenced one another. i don't know, but i'm intimidated and a little excited. in my freshman seminar class (a year ago, now), my research paper was on the Mexicano/Nuhautal poetry, and that was so interesting! i actually kinda fell in love with their poetry, and even better! i found an English translator! that was able to keep their trochaic meter! but of course, there's always pitfalls to translations, and their poetry was always accompanied by dance and music, so that's . . . lost on readers and to us now, kind of, but i was very pleased. gah, that was so interesting to research. my paper was a mess, and i mean a GIANT mess, and i procrastinated on it, but i loved what i found.
i'm hoping i'll love what i find here on Pushkin and Baratynsky too. i hope it'll be as interesting. i doubt it, but i hope to be entertained. so far i know i really like Pushkin's stuff - again, i LOVED Onegin - and i liked his short stories and the Bronze Horseman that we read in class, so i'm banking on that.

- - -
i wanted to write tonight, but i don't know on what. maybe i'll just read. my friday's been pretty boring. both my friends were studying hard, and we didn't have a movie planned like we normally do on friday's, so i was stuck in my room. i finished season 2 of HTGAWM. wow. no words. just tears. i was crying when Annalise's baby- yeah.
otherwise boring. i need to learn what to do on night's like these. make a "me time" ritual, because what i've got now isn't cutting it.
javaink: (like no other)
i don't think i like nanowrimo.
i was a dumb, and on the 31st i impulsively made an account for nanowrimo, willingly ignoring the fact that i don't have a story planned! i have maybe a couple i could TRY to do, but none i'm feeling too cozy with? none i'm feeling inspired by?
now it's five days later and the anxiety to write and start a novel on there nibbles at the bottom of my stomach, and if i think too hard about it - which means, longer than 30 seconds - i start feeling guilty! hard-pressed to write! and i don't think that works for me, at least not now. i-
this past summer, when i was working hard on my Greek summer courses, i was thinking of doing summer camp nano. my sister was going to do it, she needed a distraction. she had read a siren book, and she was inspired to write about mermaids. me, i love sirens, and mermaids, and sirens, sirens, sirens. bird or fish kind. sirens are one of my favorite mythical creatures. so of course, when she said she wanted to do that, my mind exploded with some ideas. a small plot in mind, but not one that i couldn't flesh out, stretch out into book form. people do it all the time in ya.
needless to say, i started taking notes in a small pocket journal, but i didn't get far. again, Greek courses. INTENSE Greek courses. i needed to finish them in time for the fall semester and i had started late, so my classes were bunched up together, one on top of the other, i felt awful and stressed.
so no summer nano for me.
but that's the only one i would maybe want to do? i have an idea that stems from my sims 2 game, one of the families where there are a shit ton of alien-abduction babies and all angst and maybe i would throw in an alien invasion and resistance. but- no inspiration, not now.
and it's not helping that i left that small pocketbook at home, home which is TEXAS and i am NOT in Texas.

- - -
Ha, the mention of Texas reminds me of a thing that happened in my Short Story class today. eh, tomorrow.
(i WILL write it tomorrow, i swear, this isn't exploration, this is a happy thing, kinda)

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